This is a substantially revised version of an unpublished poem that one or two readers of this blog might have seen or have heard at a reading. I'll leave it here for comment for a few days before removing it.
[poem deleted]
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Summa
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2 comments:
Quite good, I think (although I am not well - virus - so I might be semi-delirious with medicine). Better than what I remember of this poem, so it's maybe been revised even since I read it?
This bit:
even the cough of dust
shuffling down a blade of sun,
that repeated "... of ..." structure - I don't know. How about "shuffling down a sunblade"?
Thanks, Rob. Yes, it has been revised significantly since you read it.
I'll leave it up a little longer; maybe until Monday.
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